Category Archives: Love

One of those nights..

After being sick and utterly miserable for the past few days, I decided to blog. Its one of those nights where there is a whole lot on my mind and no matter how much I talk about it, I cannot fully come to terms with what I’m feeling.

But before I go into the serious stuff, I must say that even after its been off the air for over five years, I have come to adore Sex and the City. Sarah Jessica Parker=AMAZING

Okay, anywho. Today I found out that someone who was as close to me…passed earlier this week. This woman..I considered invincible. She was so strong and sweet and loved me. Its been nearly a decade since I’ve last spoken to her.The resounding nagging of mother is on constant replay in my head “Maquita, send Ms. Nellie a picture, she wants to see you,” and I would always walk away with the thought of me doing it later. Well my later never came. Nor will it ever.

It is the funniest thing how people always save their apologies until the person is no longer able to accept them. It seems as if the flood of emotion is always felt after the opportunity has passed, everything you ever did wrong, is finally realized and there is nothing that can possibly be done to fix it. It sucks.

But after today, I realized how selfish I have been to those who I claim to love the most.  Selfish for not giving them all the love that they deserve. Putting myself first in everything I do, instead of thinking about how it may affect those around me.

8 days ago, a woman walked into my office asking how have I made a difference in the world around me. I mentioned how great of a friend I am to those I call my friends, and as I was speaking, I couldn’t help but think it was not nearly enough than what I could have done. Yeah I listen, I nod my head at the right times, say the words that I truly think and give a hug or two through the tearful ordeal, but is that really enough to help change my world?

hmmm…well I don’t really know what to say..this blog is getting jumbled and I know my readers wont understand..but yeah.                 I don’t think I can make a career about this blogging thing (: my mind is a little too far out.

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Stupid in Love Pt.1

Clearly, I’ve been lying to myself about how I feel about you.

I’ve been fighting this ongoing battle of the constant “he loves me, he loves me not.”

But instead of rose petals being plucked, it was tears that were being wiped away from my face.

Me. Growing excruciatingly bitter each moment I thought of you and her.

 Yet,I was the last one you spoke to before you laid your on your pillow; and the first one who helped you shake the cobwebs from your mind as you awoke.

What am I to you? Never have I been so deathly plagued with the trouble of love.

I leave that pool of emotion for the ones I loved the most to endure, while I lent a shoulder or an ear for support.

When it comes to you, all of my common sense heads out the window.

Even when you just treat me like one of the “others.”

Yet when I return the favor, hot venom is spewed , words not meant to be said are spoken and  then we are no longer speaking. Dude, what do you want from me?

I give up.

You are worse than a puzzle composed of 1000 pieces.

I see you as an Egyptian tomb composed of so many chambers; when I stepped to quickly, my doom was met.

 Maybe I am just stupid.

Dumb for depriving myself of sleep and the  love that I deserve.

 Dumb for keeping you on constant replay in my mind.

Dumb as hell for loving you as much as I do.

-M.A.D.